1. If something bothers you every time you look in the mirror, it’s worth considering cosmetic work1 – SUBJECT TO THE OTHER FIVE RULES.

2. Understand that cosmetic work alone (no matter how good your surgeon/practitioner is) will not change your life and is not a substitute for the deep inner work of self-acceptance and fierce self-love.

3. Do meticulous research about your surgeon/practitioner.

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4. Do not pay for cosmetic work with borrowed money. Do not get work that you cannot afford.

5. No more than two cosmetic surgeries per body part in a lifetime.

6. Don’t lie to others about any cosmetic work you’ve had done.

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Please.

Please, please, please. Don’t lie to others about any cosmetic work you’ve had done.

Ideally, if you’ve had work that you’re happy with, I’d urge you to sing it from the rooftops. “LOOK AT MY FUCKING AMAZING NEW CHIN, WORLD. WOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

Exactly the same as you would with a new lipstick. Share the wealth.

This isn’t a humblebrag, but it’s central to why I started Not Born With It, so I’ll share here. People are always surprised to hear that I’m (at time of writing) 45. They were surprised to hear that I was 40 when I was 40, and I’m pretty sure they’ll be surprised to hear that I’m 50 if and when I get there.

I always, always reply with “Yeah, I’ve had a lot of work done.”

And they’re invariably surprised:

a) Because my work looks pretty great and isn’t immediately obvious. “But, you don’t look like you’ve had anything done!” Yep. That’s exactly how this should look.

b) “You’re so brave to talk about it!” Really, is that where we’re at?

Brave is rescuing children out of burning buildings.

It shouldn’t be considered courageous that I can easily say, “I hated my nose for yeeeears, so I got it done”, but it is. And it only is because so few people talk about their cosmetic work.

Celebrities will often only discuss it after they’ve been outed, and then usually with regret and hand-wringing. “I wish I hadn’t done it” *sadface*.

Really? Because you looked pretty fucking cheerful when you were raking in untold wealth from promoting some £100 product that you swore down at the time was responsible for the entirety of your dewy gorgeousness.

Or when you were walking down the catwalk with improbably full boobs filling your frock whilst your ribs stuck out 3 inches from your body. That just makes other women feel like shit about themselves because they don’t understand how other women can possibly look so good without cosmetic work.

IT’S BECAUSE THEY ARE LYING, LADIES.

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I’d really, really like that to change.

However, I also completely embrace your right to your personal privacy and you don’t owe anyone a full commentary on any aesthetic decisions you’ve made in your life.

But, please, don’t lie about it. If someone outright asks if you’ve had specific work done and you have, be honest. If you are honest and they’re enough of an asshole to judge you for having had work, they’re enough of an asshole that they’ll still be talking about their suspicions behind your back if you lie about it. So there’s no real benefit to lying.

Everyone that isn’t an asshole will either be nonplussed or curious. There’s not much to fear there.

If you had work and you regret it, tell people if asked. “Yeah, I got this done and it wasn’t the result I hoped for. I can’t say I’d recommend Dr McQuackery.”

Same as if you bought a lipstick that didn’t suit you. You’d have no qualms about telling people “Do NOT buy this lipstick, it rubbed off after 3 minutes and it smelled like bums”. Cosmetic work is no different, we’ve just unhelpfully attached a stigma to it.

If asked and you’re happy with the work, “Yeah, I did get my nose done. Thanks for noticing! Right, what’s for lunch?”

That’s all that has to happen and it’ll make a profound change in the conversation around cosmetic work. Too much work happens in subterfuge. A more open discourse ultimately enables everyone to be better informed and to make the right decisions for themselves.

I can’t pretend that everyone will have an overwhelmingly positive reaction to your aesthetic choices. But I doubt you’d give a fuck if someone disagreed vehemently with your choice of lipstick. Their negative shit is on them, not you. Get on with your day and smile at yourself warmly in the next mirror that you pass.

So, a final plea, to PLEASE not lie to others about any cosmetic work you’ve had done.

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Any cosmetic work undertaken should be in accordance with the other five rules. Here they are, in case you missed them the first time…

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I know, I know. How can I cruelly cut you off like this…

But, I am unshakable in my position that no-one (excepting the above caveat) should need more than two operations on any body part1. My entire mission with Not Born With It is to ensure that any work that may you choose to have is realistic, intentional, conscious and well-researched.

Get it done once, well, and never think about it again, should be the goal here.

Obviously, some procedures, particularly those geared towards resisting gravitational forces, may be less effective over time, but I believe that two go-arounds should be enough for any lifetime.

If you find yourself tempted to go for a 3rd, 4th or 5th anything (noses and boobs are the most common ‘revision’ surgeries), you need to consider:

1. Have you waited the stipulated amount of time for the surgery to have matured and settled? No ethical surgeon should be considering a consultation or operation until this amount of time has passed, no matter how impatient you may be.

2. Are you continually getting ‘botched’ work? Have you researched your surgeon thoroughly and had detailed conversations (and these should be dialogues, where both of you speak for roughly the same amount of time), during at least two separate consultations with them, about what your desired outcome is and whether their expertise is compatible this?

   If you have kept going to the cheapest provider possible and find that the resulting work is unprofessional and poorly done, consider instead going for a consultation with a specialist (probably more expensive) surgeon. This will almost certainly save you money and mental anguish in the long-term.

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3. Are your outcomes realistic? Any ethical surgeon will give you pragmatic guidance on this, and possibly a reality check. If you’re not happy with the ultimate result:

   1. Did you research your surgeon thoroughly and only proceed once you fully understood their approach, philosophy and techniques?

   2. Were you honest about the outcome you were after?

      Really?

      If you secretly hoped that Procedure X would make your ex want you back, but what you told your surgeon was: “I’d like this bump removed from my nose”, those are two wildly different things and a surgeon can only help make the latter a reality.

   3. Did you listen to and understand your surgeon’s advice? When paying for surgery, the surgeon’s opinion and guidance are some of the most valuable things that you purchase in that transaction.

      If your surgeon has told you that they can’t make you look like J-Lo2, but they can give you a clear representation of what is acheivable within the parameters of your existing face and body and their skillset, it is not your surgeon’s fault if you wake up from surgery livid that you don’t look like J-Lo.

      
      Unless you are J-Lo, RUN from any surgeon’s office if the surgeon tells you that they can make you look like J-Lo.

      I’m not kidding.

      Cosmetic work is not about turning you into a facsimile of someone else. It’s about working with your existing unique features and characteristics, perhaps bringing them into balance, and finding a version of you that makes you smile at your reflection.

      If you start off a consultation by brandishing images of other people and saying “I want this nose/hairline/face shape” etc, a reputable surgeon should immediately, but gently, advise you that their work is about enhancing your own face, not slapping someone else’s physiognomy3 onto yours.

Part of the intentionality of surgery should also be with the ‘2’ limit in mind. If you’re only ‘allowed’ to have 2 facelifts, it probably makes sense to wait until you’re at least in your fifties (by which time, you may no longer even want one) to start, rather than getting one at 45 ‘pre-emptively’ and then getting another every 5 years after that, until eventually, you end up looking like this.

Do not end up looking like this.

If you’re still sceptical, think about anyone that you’re aware of who’s had more than 2 cosmetic surgeries on a single body part and decide for yourself whether they seem content, well-adjusted and happy with the way that they look. If you can think of one, please send them my way, I’d be fascinated to chat to them.

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Any cosmetic work undertaken should be in accordance with the other five rules. Here they are, in case you missed them the first time…

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Some of you may be gawking at the screen right now, but trust me on this…

First of all: the scenario where you pay for your cosmetic work on a credit card because you want the points, but you have the funds AND will immediately pay the bill off the following month, is excluded from this rule. This is fine; you have the money that you’re spending, albeit you’re using credit to your advantage in the very short term. Congrats on being a savvy consumer!

Do not borrow money to get cosmetic work done

In all other instances, do not borrow money to have cosmetic work done. Not from friends, family, partners, banks, credit card companies or your cosmetic practitioner. Do not take out a loan, do not borrow money that you don’t have to fund cosmetic work.

The logic for this is three-fold:

1. Cosmetic work is surprisingly emotional. Even if you’re not having ‘actual’ surgery, you’re identifying a vulnerability in yourself and you’re hoping to overcome it by getting a procedure done. There is an inevitable expectation involved, a sense of “Do I feel different now, because I really wanted to?”. The majority of procedures have a lag time before the results are seen, which can lead to anxiety that it hasn’t ‘worked’.

   If you’re having surgery that involves a general anaesthetic, you will likely feel quite weird for several days: confused, tired, sore. You might have thrown up terrifying black liquid afterwards.

   Surgery - even done by an excellent surgeon - is traumatising for the body. You will almost certainly be in pain afterwards. You will likely have bruising. It may be dramatic. You may have reduced mobility. That’s infantilising. You may be having to hide out at home for a couple of weeks because you look, frankly, scary. Your appetite might be affected.

   You may feel shame, regret, apprehension, helplessness, anger, panic. If you’ve ignored The Rules, you may have had an unrealistic expectation of your cosmetic outcome and be experiencing profound despair. You may also have disregarded your practitioner’s advice and be frustrated that you can’t yet see the result that you wanted. It may take up to a year for you to be able to do so.

   Do not compound this highly emotional time with the stress of now owing money - probably a sum in multiple thousands - for a procedure that hasn’t changed you into the person you’d always dreamed of being, overnight. Debt can be extremely nerve-wracking, psychologically. Do not add this pressure to yourself.

2. Cosmetic work is FUCKING EXPENSIVE. I’ve spent (conservatively) £12k on Botox alone so far.

   If you have good cosmetic work, it’s habit-forming and can be addictive.

   If you borrow the £300 to get Botox the first time on a couple of areas and then you love it, what are you doing in 4 months’ time, when it needs a top-up and you’ve also decided that you want another area done?

   And that’s at the absolute cheapest end of this market. A lot of cosmetic work also needs periodic refreshes across the decades. If you borrow £10k to get a full mouth of veneers (and those would be extremely cheap veneers), there’s a decent chance you’ll only just have paid them off by the time they need replacing.

   If you can’t afford to get the work done now, you almost certainly can’t afford to pay to maintain its upkeep. That’s very, very dangerous.

   If you get into the habit of spending money that you don’t have on cosmetic work, you will soon find this spiralling to an unsustainable degree. Please don’t.

3. As detailed in Rule 2, cosmetic work is essentially a shortcut, a substitute for doing the inner work to radically love and accept yourself exactly as you are. Cosmetic work is an attempt to artificially alter our or others’ perception of ourselves.

   That doesn't mean it’s ‘bad’. I LOVE the work that I’ve had done and have #goodvibesonly about it. But it does mean that it’s incredibly unwise to fund a shortcut with quick-fix financing, whether formally (loan/credit card etc) or informally (Bank of Mum and Dad etc).

As a general rule, exercise extreme caution when considering cosmetic work by a clinic that offers financing or a payment plan. Most expert practitioners have enough patients to treat without needing to offer incentives to fill their rosters. Also, these clinics encourage the one-size-fits-all, fast-fix, conveyor-belt approach to cosmetic work that I’m extremely keen to dissuade you from.

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Do not go abroad to get a procedure done on the cheap that you can’t afford in your home country

It should be obvious that if you can only afford cosmetic work by travelling abroad to get it, to a country that you’re not a resident of, nor have ever been a resident of: DO NOT GET THAT PROCEDURE DONE ABROAD ON THE CHEAP. I’m going to say this again, but in bold. DO NOT GET THAT PROCEDURE DONE ABROAD ON THE CHEAP.

I’m sure some of you know of a friend of a friend who went to Turkey or Poland or somewhere and it was GREAT. I know those people too. I talk about cosmetic work all of the time, so let me save you some time, money and disappointment: I don’t know a single person who actually went to that place that their friend’s friend recommended in a far-off land and came back happy with the result.

You may have seen an influencer jet off to somewhere and post about their results, beaming. Both of the below will apply:

1) They got that procedure for free. You’re watching an advert. Don’t choose a surgeon based on an advert.

2) I guarantee that within 3 years they’ll be getting that procedure re-done somewhere closer to home OR they’ll be posting mournfully about how much they regret having had the procedure done.

If it’s a procedure that you can save money on even after paying for a flight and accommodation by doing it abroad, it’s a significant enough procedure that you should be meeting with 2-3 consultants in person before deciding on a surgeon and THEN meeting that surgeon at least once more before your final consultation pre-surgery with them.

And it would be wisest to leave at least 6 weeks between each of those consultations. I know you might not be able to restrain yourself, but I’m telling you what’s wisest, not what everyone reading this will realistically adhere to.

But, do remember, for surgery of this significance, where there are thousands of pounds potentially able to be saved, you will be living with the results of that surgery for decades. Probably the remainder of your life. If I told you you could only wear one pair of shoes for the rest of your life, I doubt you’d be immediately haring off to find the cheapest possible pair that you could lay your hands on, in order to save money.

Take your time with this. Understand that it’s an investment. And then consider the following:

1. If you don’t speak the language of the country you’re going to, don’t assume you’ll easily make yourself understood. It’s difficult enough to translate your aspirations, insecurities and deepest fears for a surgeon when you both share the same first language.

   The clinic may boast “English-speaking staff” on their shiny website, but just because the receptionist can organise a taxi for you doesn’t mean that your surgeon will understand the nuance between ‘twisted’ and ‘bent’. Then think about all of the other words that you might want to use, many of which will have very precise meanings in your language and may not have equivalents in your surgeon’s native language.

2. Aesthetic norms vary significantly across geographies. There are incredible surgeons in South Korea, but I would hesitate to go there for a facial procedure, as the vast majority of those surgeons’ patients and experiences will be on South Korean faces and for South Korean aesthetic sensitivities. You want a practitioner who is boringly familiar with your face/body type.

   You know how people with curly hair always look for a hairdresser who really understands curly hair and have had their barnets butchered by an excellent hairdresser who just doesn't understand curly hair? It’s like that. But the effects may last for the rest of your life.

3. Your travel insurance won’t cover any medical expenses if anything goes wrong. And things can go wrong, very easily. I’m not here to scare you, but to point out the realities. All surgery is risky. Approximately 1 million people die or face “lasting damage” from anaesthesia in “industrialised nations” every year.

   If you’re not a resident and decide to have surgery done in the US, calling an ambulance can cost $1000 with health insurance (which you, my friend, will not have).

   You’ll also have to navigate a foreign country’s health system whilst in an extremely vulnerable state. That English-speaking receptionist, who was so lovely when she was taking your payment, will not give two shits if you start bleeding from your eyeballs once you’ve left the hospital, no matter what the brochure might say about the clinic’s “exceptional aftercare”. Do not do this.

4. You want to be operated on by the absolute best and most qualified/experienced surgeon that you trust will be able to give you the result that you want. That surgeon is not working in a clinic that specialises in cut-price surgeries for plastic surgery tourists. I guarantee it.

   Now, there is a chance that they may one day leave that clinic and move to another country and become the world’s foremost expert at some surgery or other. That’s irrelevant. There are no rewards for early adoption here.

   You do not want to be the guinea pig that taught your surgeon on their 20th procedure a hard lesson that they never repeated again. You want, YOU DESERVE, someone who is fan-fucking-tastic at their job already. Don’t date people or pick surgeons for their potential. No.

There are, obviously, amazing plastic and cosmetic surgeons all over the world and if you’ve lived in a country where there’s a particular surgeon that you really want to consult with and decide post-consultation they are absolutely, positively, the best possible person to perform your procedure, then GO NUTS (although I’m still a bit worried about your travel insurance if you’re no longer a resident or citizen of that country).

But please, please, please don’t decide to go to a random cheap clinic that you have no relationship with for the sake of a few thousand pounds. If you can’t afford to get it done without fleeing the country, you can’t afford to get it done. No matter how inconvenient it may be for me to tell you that.

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Any cosmetic work undertaken should be in accordance with the other five rules. Here they are, in case you missed them the first time…

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This one should be self-evident, but it’s always incredible to me how few people ask basic questions of their practitioner.

It is really important that you understand the expertise of whoever you’re trusting with an area of your body that you already have insecurities or concerns about.

If you’re in the UK, be aware that the injectables industry is currently unlicensed. It is possible, and alarmingly common, for someone to start injecting after taking a 1-day course.

1 day.

Before they can start altering your face.

Best case, they will have practised on live models during that day. Worst case, it was a dummy or (I have heard anecdotally) a piece of fruit.

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For non-surgical work, I would still urge you to go to a doctor. It will probably be more expensive than the woman working out of a room in the back corner of your hairdresser’s, but I believe it will be a better investment of your time and money.

In the US, only doctors and nurses are allowed to perform cosmetic injections and it’s far more tightly regulated. I still got caught out in New York when I made an appointment for Botox with a ‘doctor’ and realised when I got there that I was actually being injected by a nurse with a PhD. So, she was a doctor, but not a doctor doctor.

I’m not here to debate the relative talents of doctors vs nurses, but in this instance, having decided to go ahead with the treatment, it was the least effective Botox treatment that I’ve received. There are some excellent nurse injectors in the US; my point is to make sure you understand and are comfortable with the qualifications of the person whom you’re trusting to make changes to your face and body.

It is genuinely shocking the extent to which Google Ads has impacted consumers’ ability to conduct independent research. Virtually any question that you type in will return several pages of cosmetic practitioner websites, each of which will tell you that whatever procedure you’re considering will improve your life forever and that they are 100% the best people in the world to do it for you.

It’s a jungle out there.

The best possible resource for you is a recommendation from someone who’s had the procedure that you want and whose results you admire.

I’ve lost count of the number of people who ask me to recommend someone for a procedure that I’ve never had. I’m really, disturbingly, good at the internet, but I’m no substitute for someone who’s actually had that procedure done.

Of course, the immediate issue is twofold:

1. The best work probably won’t be immediately obvious

2. The stigma of approaching someone to ask if they’ve had Procedure X done and the associated mortal fear of causing them unquantifiable offence

THIS IS WHY WE NEED TO BE MORE HONEST ABOUT THE WORK THAT WE’VE HAD DONE. More of this in Rule 6. But we have GOT to start helping one another out more.

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There is a high chance that you’re finding practitioners via Insta or TikTok. It makes me icky, but if I can’t dissuade you, just please don’t see anyone who’s obviously banging a filter on every post. Your cosmetic work is going to be seen IN REAL LIFE. Only work with people who are showcasing real-life results.

The questions you should ask will vary from procedure to procedure. I give longer advice about this here, but these are universal:

1. When did you qualify as a doctor/nurse/practitioner?

2. How long have you been doing [Procedure X]?

3. Why do you like doing this work?

   (What you want from them here is “I love finding ways to make my patients/clients feel more like themselves” and/or “I enjoy working with and guiding patients/clients to get them the results that they’re looking for” and/or “I’m passionate about working with new techniques and technologies to expand my skillset and delight my patients/cients” and not “I dunno, it pays better than podiatry.”)

If the answers aren’t obvious from their website, make sure you have asked them all of these in the consultation and walk away from any practitioner whose answers don’t 100% satisfy you. Do not take unnecessary risks with your appearance.

An ethical practitioner will be unafraid to say no to you - my injectables doctor refuses to give me filler more often than not - “You don’t need it, there’s still loads in here”. This is what I pay him for, honestly.

Trust the cosmetic professional who tells you that you do not need work done or that the outcome you want is unlikely to be possible. Distrust the person who assures you that your every wildest aesthetic fantasy can be made real. More about this in Rule 5.

A passionate and creative practitioner may also propose alternative approaches once they’ve understood what outcome(s) you’re after.

This, though, looks like your rhinoplasty consultant saying “A chin implant would be more effective - in your case - than a rhinoplasty, let me show you why,” rather than your tummy tuck consultant saying “What I’d recommend is liposuction throughout the stomach, thighs and arms and we can discuss a discount if you get a neck lift at the same time”.

Do your research and only work with genuine experts in the procedures that you want to have done. If in doubt, don’t.

Any cosmetic work undertaken should be in accordance with the other five rules. Here they are, in case you missed them the first time

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I’m going to retype the subtitle and put it IN BOLD. It is really, really important to me that you get this:

Understand that cosmetic work alone (no matter how good your surgeon) will not change your life and is not a substitute for the deep inner work of self-acceptance and fierce self-love.

This is probably the most important rule of all, although I hate to play favourites…

I have had (comparatively) a lot of work. I’m happy with all of it. Delighted, in some cases. And I’m profoundly grateful for the time and energy that liking my reflection has given me back. I still have some vulnerabilities about my appearance, but they no longer impact my overall sense of wellbeing.

But please know: the best outcome that you can hope for is for the body part that you’ve had ‘done’ stops bothering/obsessing you. No more than this is possible.

And that outcome isn’t guaranteed.

Cosmetic work is not going to suddenly make you more lovable, more desirable or more fulfilled. It won’t make you a better parent or lover or partner or family member.

What it can do, is take away things that are fuelling negative thoughts in your brain and that provides the opportunity for other, happier, thoughts to replace them. What infinite possibilities that invites!

If a mole on your body is driving you mad: Good news! That mole no longer has to drive you mad.

If you hate that the lines on your face are a reminder of unpleasant memories: Good news! Those lines can be taken away.

If you find it hard to find clothes that fit because your boobs are too big/too small/the wrong shape and you’re sick of leaving changing rooms feeling dejected: Good news! You can change the size and shape of your boobs.

How you feel after any of these procedures depends on how you feel about yourself. You may find out post the work that that body part wasn’t the issue at all and start fixating on something else. This is a slippery slope and it’s one of many reasons why we should be more open about the work we’ve had done.

How we feel about the way that we look has only the faintest correlation to our physical features.

There are ACTUAL supermodels, who are literally employed because of their extraordinary beauty, who have cripplingly low self-esteem.

Worse, for every supermodel, there will be tens of thousands of people on the internet falling over themselves to prove that said supermodel is ackshually horrifically, appallingly, life-destroyingly ugly.

There are also people who - by subjective beauty standards - are unattractive, but are radiant. Their faces and bodies don’t have everything in the ‘right’ place, per accepted norms, but you can’t stop looking at them. They’re beautiful, even though they don’t conform to any principle that you’ve been told makes a person physically beautiful.

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Cosmetic work is supplementary, it’s not corrective. It can’t turn you into a person that you aren’t.

If you’re a person with cripplingly low self-esteem and a big nose and you get a nose job, you’ll likely wake up post-surgery to find that you’re now a person with cripplingly low self and a smaller nose that you’re not happy with, because you still fucking hate yourself.

Understand cosmetic work’s limitations and be really, really honest about what outcome you’re really looking for. A brow lift isn’t going to magically make you feel as though you were hugged enough as a child.

If undertaken intentionally and consciously, cosmetic work can be an absolute pleasure.

But be very aware that by choosing cosmetic work, you’re trying to shortcut through the inner work of seeing yourself at all times as already being the greatest and most awesome possible version of yourself.

It is entirely possible to train your mind to see whatever you want to see whenever you look in the mirror and to decide how every person that crosses your path reacts to you. With enough time and effort, you can greet the most beautiful version of yourself every day and float through life believing that everyone you encounter thinks you’re the most incredibly vibrant and gorgeous creature that they’ve ever met.

It's possible, but it’s a lot more fucking difficult than paying someone a few hundred quid to stick stuff in your face every few months. And you may decide the latter option is more accessible and less exhausting.

It is absolutely ok to make this choice but please acknowledge that that’s the choice that you’re making and, in the long run, it’s the less sustainable option.

I obviously have made the choice to get cosmetic work many times and will almost certainly continue to do so, but I do it in tandem with substantial self-care work and I’m a lot healthier as a result of adopting a combined approach.

Cosmetic work can change the way you look outwardly, but only you can change the way you perceive yourself inwardly. Please, never lose sight of this.

Any cosmetic work undertaken should be in accordance with the other five rules. Here they are, in case you missed them the first time…

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I don’t ascribe to the “I am as God intended” mindset. I don’t mind at all if you do, and I’m not here to persuade anyone.

But if you’ve never had cosmetic work and you spend time actively hating parts of your face or body, I’d urge you to consider the possibility. Think of everything else you could do with the energy you’re currently spending despairing at your reflection (or avoiding mirrors/having your photo taken entirely).

If you want a boob job or botox or to get a tail appended to your coccyx, but you’re not getting cosmetic work because you’re worried about what your parent/partner/friend/colleague/nemesis might think: it is none of their fucking business.

Having had cosmetic work doesn’t make you a bad person or affect your moral compass; it doesn’t make you a narcissist; it doesn’t make you frivolous or stupid. There are people with all of those qualities who have had work done, but they weren’t made that way because of the work they had done. They’re just shitty people who happen to have had work. Correlation is not causation, kids.

If you’re miserable about an aspect of your appearance and you’re not doing anything about it because you’re worried about being judged; be honest about whether you may have been triggered by or have judged other people who’ve had cosmetic work.

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If you’ve projected your insecurities onto them and that’s caused you to be unkind, that’s ok: you’re human. But, once you’re aware of this, you can immediately be kinder in your thoughts about others and - ultimately - to yourself.

If you’ve thought about getting work, because you’re genuinely distressed by an aspect of your appearance, but dismissed it, because “you’re not that type of person”: think about how it would feel to be the type of person who doesn’t spend any part of their day hating the way that they look.

In my opinion, it’s worth a few hours of research on the internet and a couple of conversations with the relevant professionals to see if they can help.

Being a person who’s had cosmetic work doesn’t have to define you (and yes, I’m aware of the irony of my typing this), but it may enable you to stop defining yourself by how you feel about the way that you look.

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If you have already had cosmetic work and you’re considering more, I SUPPORT YOU, but make sure you’re definitely coming to it from the right place.

If this is going to be your ninth procedure and you’ve been dissatisfied with the previous eight, the root of your self-loathing probably isn’t to be found in the mirror. Read Rule Two several times before contemplating any more procedures.

If you’ve had work and you’re delighted with the results, Congratulations! I’m thrilled for you. If you're tempted to have more, because you’re assuming that ‘More Always Means Better’, please disabuse yourself of that notion immediately.

You may have looked incredible with one syringe of Restylane in your face. It might have given you the effect you’d always wanted, but never dared to dream of. Your partner may have collapsed in awe at your radiance when you walked through the door1. Your friends may have fallen over themselves to tell you how well you’re looking.

All of this is fucking fantastic, but it does NOT mean that two syringes of Restylane will make you look twice as fabulous. Tread carefully.

MASSIVE SHOUTY CAVEAT:

Any cosmetic work undertaken should be in accordance with the other five rules. Here they are, in case you missed them the first time…