10 questions to ask yourself if you're thinking about getting cosmetic work
And some answers that you may not want to hear, but that you should still consider before proceeding
Reminder that ‘cosmetic work’ in NBWI parlance encompasses cosmetic/plastic/aesthetic surgery/injections/non-surgical procedures.
Botox counts, lasers count, labiaplasty counts. ALL OF IT COUNTS.
1) If you're obsessed with a body part, have you discussed it in therapy?
If not, do not proceed until you’ve unpacked what’s going on for you emotionally that’s causing you to fixate on this body part1.
If you’re considering work of any kind, it’s always mentioning it to your therapist. If you’re not in therapy, Psychology Today has a handy search functionality.
Investing in a good therapist will do more for your ego than any amount of surgery dollars.
2) Do you think getting this work will change your life?
You must be new here. Cosmetic work cannot change your life.
Go and read Rule 2.
Then read all the others
3) Can you discuss your reasons for wanting cosmetic work unemotionally?
Emotions are good. Great, even.
But heightened emotions around cosmetic work aren't healthy, or helpful.
If the work would address a deep-seated insecurity that you’ve had for a long time, it’s normal to have feelings about it.
Make sure that you’re proceeding with any cosmetic work through a considered and adult thought process rather than using it to try to heal the wounds of the past2. That’s not how this works, inconveniently.
4) Are you being influenced or pressured into work by someone you know? Is someone else offering to pay for work that you’re unsure of?
Both of these are red flags.
Cosmetic work (yes, even the supposedly ‘soft’ stuff like Botox and lasers) comes with a psychological burden, don’t assume this burden based on someone else’s opinion of the way you look3.
If someone is pressuring you into work that you don’t want - even if you think it’s well-meant - please talk to other people that you feel safe with and let them know what’s going on. They can help you work out how to respond and get past this4.
5) Can you coherently describe the specific steps in the procedure that you’re thinking of getting to someone who is unfamiliar with the procedure?
End-to-end from prep through to recovery and what specifically the procedure is and how it’s administered?
If not, you need to go back to the Research phase before you consider this any further.
6) 🔺For surgery specifically🔺 - is the body part in its ‘final’ state?
If you’re under 21, bear in mind that your face is still growing. If you’re male, your face and body can keep growing until you’re 25.
Do not rush into elective surgical work before 25. There’s still quite a lot going on, without you adding to this complex soup.
Are you planning a pregnancy? It would be wiser to pause any body work until after you’ve had your children.
Are you menopausal? If so, it’s a good idea to have any elective cosmetic surgery before you move into post-menopause (if you can) as collagen levels decrease significantly for women after the menopause.
7) Does anyone you trust and who is non-judgemental about cosmetic work think that the procedure that you want is a bad idea for you?
Getting cosmetic work is a deeply personal decision, but if someone who loves you and whose opinion you trust has expressed reservations, listen to their reasoning as neutrally as you can5.
Once you’ve heard them out, you still own your decision, of course.
8) Can you afford it?
Back to Rule 4 we go…
9) Who would you be getting this work for?
You know what I’m going to say here, but here it comes anyway:
The only person you should be getting elective cosmetic work for is you.
Any other answer tells me that you’re ignoring The Rules and no good comes from that. Trust me.
10) Do you believe that cosmetic work will make you more loveable and worthwhile?
It won’t. You already are loveable and worthwhile. I promise.
If you don’t feel that way6, you have some stuff going on that cosmetic work can’t improve - and there’s a reasonable risk that it’ll make things worse. If nothing else, you’ll have less money for no outcome.
Reminder: I am absolutely in favour of expert work, performed by ethical practitioners on practically/emotionally informed patients who can afford the work.
Anything else rarely ends well.
I know this can be hard
I know this can be hard
I know this can be hard
I know this can be hard
I know this can be hard
I know this can be hard
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