So You've Decided You Want Cosmetic Work? What To Do Next: Part Two (Prep Phase)
Second in a three-part guide to what to do and expect next when you're considering cosmetic work. Today... the prep phase!
Ok, you’ve now done your research, met with your shortlisted practitioners and you’re ready to MAKE SOME DECISIONS
This is Part Two - the guide to the Prep Phase
If you’re progressing to this stage, you should have already completed the research phase and be deciding if you’re going to proceed with the work and, if so, with whom.
Decision Time
First of all, remember that you are under no obligation whatsoever to get this procedure done.
Don’t fall victim to sunk cost fallacy.
Don’t worry about feeling stupid if you’ve told people you were absolutely, positively going to get the procedure and now you’re feeling unsure. Anyone who cares about you will want you to do the right thing for YOU.
You can also decide that you will proceed, but not just now.
You should be able to say ‘yes’ to all of these before making the decision
I know exactly what the procedure will involve and what the likely outcome will be for me
I understand the risks of the procedure and I’m willing to live with the consequences if the outcome is not the one I was expecting
I acknowledge that the procedure going well will not change my life in a meaningful way, but I’m certain that it’s a step I need to take to improve my overall wellbeing
I understand that if the procedure is unsuccessful or does not meet my expectations, I may feel worse than I do today and I’m willing to accept that risk
I feel absolutely comfortable with the practitioner that I’ve chosen and I’m sure they’re the right person to perform this procedure1
The practitioner has told me that I am a ‘good’ candidate for this procedure and I understand the reasons why
I have the funds available for the procedure today or (worst case) know with certainty that I will have them by the time of the procedure.
I am in the best physical and mental state for this procedure to be performed
I am certain that the right time for the procedure is now and not a year from now
My friends and family are aware and supportive that I’m considering having this procedure2.
I AM REALLY POSITIVE, IN MY FUCKING BONES, THAT I WANT TO DO THIS THING.
Whatever your decision
Make sure you big up your Big Bad Self for recognising and acknowledging a vulnerability within yourself. That’s not easy.
Here’s to you, all the research you did and all the conversations that you’ve had along the way, some of which might have felt really difficult and exposing.
If you decide not to proceed
Thank you for taking care of yourself.
Seriously. This isn’t me blowing new-age smoke up your arse. It takes real courage to walk away from a decision that you thought you’d committed to.
Take a bit of time to integrate your decision. Get involved in whatever self-care works for you and be kind to yourself. You might feel a bit wobbly and lost if you were considering major surgery, but you’re going to be great.
You can always reconsider this in six months to a year, or in a decade or two. Alternatively, the procedure you were considering may evolve, making your desired outcome more viable. This space is constantly shifting and it will all still be here if you decide to come back to it at a later date.
You might have some admin to deal with, some practitioners to say “no” to and some unsubscribing from websites or mailing lists. Get that done asap, so you’re not second-guessing yourself3
Now, just get on with life. Have a lovely time.
I AM PROUD OF YOU 😊4
If you decide to proceed
Thank you for taking care of yourself.
Yep, you too. All any of us can really aspire to is to identify what we need and to have our needs met. If you need cosmetic work done to improve your wellbeing, congratulations on making a conscious decision towards increasing the joy in your life.
Now, let’s boogie.
Set the date
It’s time to commit to a practitioner. Call or message them to inform them of their outrageous good fortune.
Depending on the procedure - and your own commitments - you may be proceeding in days or months. If you’re getting work done via public healthcare, it might even be years.
Whatever the timeline, try to relax about it. It’s coming. That’s all you need to know.
They should have given you an expectation of timelines during your consultation with them. If your practitioner has a waiting list, don’t suddenly scramble towards your 9th-choice practitioner in a panic. A waiting list is usually a good sign.
If you were genuinely on a knife-edge trying to decide between two equally awesome practitioners, it may be that availability becomes the deciding factor. In all other instances, stick to your original practitioner.
Decide whether you are telling people about your procedure
This has slightly different ramifications for surgical and non-surgical work, but the principles are the same
If you decide not to tell anyone at all
I would strongly advise against this course of action. Take a moment to identify why you don’t want anyone to know.
Are you sure that you’re getting this procedure in accordance with The Rules?
I’m a chronic overthinker and I can’t think of an instance where your decision to have cosmetic work performed in absolute secrecy is in the best interests of your health and wellbeing.
But, as ever, YOU ARE AN ADULT and you’ll make your own choices.
Be aware that if the work involves aftercare or a significant recovery period, you may need to tell other people for your own safety.
Telling Your Friends and Family
I encourage transparency in conversations about cosmetic work, but if you’ve not yet had the work, be aware of how many unsolicited opinions you’ll open yourself up to if you announce your decision to proceed on socials, or with literally everyone you know.
I was extremely open about my first surgery (a nosejob) with my friends and, with hindsight, I would have protected my boundaries a little better5. I’ve been getting cosmetic work for over 15 years and have been talking about it for all of that time, so I’m now much better equipped to deal with frustrating or hurtful reactions than I was the first time.
If this is your first foray into cosmetic work, I’d test the waters with a chosen few first. I advised you to speak to your confidants at the start of the first phase. Gauge what you do in the Prep phase based on the most helpful reactions you received during Phase One.
You don’t owe anyone unhelpful an update.
If you have children, think about what and when you’re going to tell them. If your surgery has a recovery phase during which it will be painful for you to be touched and you have young children, think about the conversations that you may need to have with them and with your partner/support network about physical boundaries and childcare during your recovery period.
If you have pets, decide if you can care for them during your recovery period and make alternative arrangements if not.
Work: Telling Your Employer/Colleagues/Clients
Full transparency: I’ve never told an employer that I’m getting cosmetic surgery done before, or in the immediate aftermath of, the work.
There will be a longer post about my rhinoplasty experiences in which I’ll detail the reasons for that decision for those surgeries.
My eyelid lift was more recent (2021), but I didn’t feel like going into it with work6. I knew my downtime would be very short, so it didn’t seem that relevant. I took a few days off, wore concealer for Zoom meetings on my return and no-one knew.
I have a personal resistance to discussing this stuff with senior people at work for fear of being perceived as superficial. I wish I didn’t feel this way and I want to be entirely transparent with this community that I’m aware of my own experiences of being/feeling judged in this capacity.
I’ve had close colleagues who knew about my surgical work at the time and helped me weave backstories when required. I also have colleagues and clients who I knew slightly at the time but became very close to years later who had no fucking idea that I’d had that work done7.
That said, I’m completely open about all the other stuff (injectables, laser etc) and after the fact, I’ve occasionally referenced my surgeries. This is often if the conversation turns to cosmetic work and someone’s sniffy about it. I have no qualms then about saying: “I’ve had two nosejobs and an eyelid lift and I doubt I’ll stop there.”
This is the balance that works for me and I offer it to you to use if helpful and to disregard if not.
Planning ahead
Assuming your appointment is now booked, there’s some pre-work admin.
Non-surgical
From your research, you should be aware of the preparations required for this procedure. Many non-surgical procedures contra-indicate sweating and other things that you likely take for granted. If you are unaware of the specifics for your procedure, go back and ask your practitioner and maybe do more research in general?
Reschedule or cancel any gym/exercise appointments that you have after the appointment that day
Shower and wash your hair before the appointment
If you’re getting injectables, they will remove your makeup, often with alcohol. Plan to go in without makeup to the area you’re getting treated.
If you go in make-up-free, you’ll likely still get your face swabbed (hygiene!), but at least they won’t scrub away at your skin with abrasive liquids.
Surgical
From your research, you should be aware of the preparations and recovery time required for this procedure.
What further consultations are you having with your surgeon before the surgery?
Including your first consultation, you should meet with them a minimum of twice before they perform surgery on you, as well as meeting with them in the hospital/clinic on the day of your surgery, before you go into the operating theatre
You need an appointment after the initial consult to refine with your consultant exactly what they’ll be doing now that you’re definitely going to be working together. This conversation is moving from speculative to Real-Life and it’s really important to have it in person with them.
Depending on when in your research process you met with them, you may also have new questions that have been provoked by other conversations you had in that phase. There won’t usually be a charge for any consults between your first and your surgery.
It’s also helpful to meet with them at least twice to refresh their memory of you. They are seeing hundreds of patients a year. You want them to see you on the day of surgery and think “Oh yes, it’s [your name] who definitely wants her depressor muscle cut.” Not “Shit, which one is this again?”
And your consultant should definitely meet with you on the day of surgery, prior to your surgery. This is normal practice for the majority of surgeries, cosmetic or otherwise, and is a final confirmation between the two of you of what’s going to happen in the operating theatre.
If you find it helpful, you can give your surgeon a list of the things you’ve discussed and agreed to. You won’t be the first 😊.How are you getting to the hospital?
Are you staying overnight? If so, what plans do you need to make? (packing, finding cover for any caring commitments)
Do you need someone to collect you from the hospital? Who is this going to be? Some hospitals won’t let you leave unless you have an escort.
What are you wearing when you leave the hospital?
Make sure there’s nothing that’s going to pull, dig into or tug on the area you’re getting operated on. You will wince.
Which of your usual activities are going to be impacted, if any?
Can you drive post-surgery? If not and you usually drive everywhere, what’s the plan?
Do you need to book time off work?
Do you need an alibi? What is this going to be?
Consider taking anti-inflammatory supplements in the two weeks prior to your surgery
Do you need to buy anything else for the hospital or for your recovery?
E.g. pillows, ice packs, concealer/makeup, overnight bag, slippers
Painkillers - your surgeon should tell you if any are contra-indicated, but ASK THEM if not.
What childcare/pet care arrangements do you need to make, if any?
Who do you want around you?
Make sure you surround yourself with only supportive voices and pairs of hands, wherever possible.
Be intentional with them and set clear expectations about what conversations you will and won’t find helpful during your recovery. This might look like “For the first week after the procedure, I don’t even want to think about how I feel about the outcome. I might change my mind, but please don’t ask me until I tell you I’m open to talking about it. Thanks!”
This is as relevant to Botox as it is to a tummy tuck. It might feel like overkill, but when you’re getting a procedure for the first time, it is usually a very vulnerable exercise. Leaps into the unknown often are. So, if there’s a risk it’ll make you feel icky, don’t put yourself in a situation where you’re being scrutinised before the results are even known.
There are very few procedures that have immediate, final effects8, take care of yourself however you need to until you’ve had time to form your own opinion of the outcome.
People can be morbidly curious. This isn’t necessarily malicious, but it is largely unhelpful. “Oooh! Look at all your bruises! You look like a monster!” might be true, but it won’t make your bruising go down any quicker. If you have loved ones who are likely to make these kinds of statements, keep on loving them, but plan to avoid seeing them after your procedure, until your recovery period is over.
People may say “Go on then, let’s see it.” Or get all up in your grill, squinty-eyed, eyes roving over your face whilst they make their judgment on how you look. Again, you can’t prevent this, but if you know that you have people like this in your life, exercise discretion in how much you plan to tell them or see them until you’re ready to subject your new face/body to their inspection.
Remember: Until your recovery period is over, unless the person is a qualified specialist in the procedure you’ve had, their opinion is moot9.
N.B.
If you start having obsessive thoughts about your upcoming procedure, then channel that energy into something more productive. Prep for your recovery phase, sort out your underwear drawer, descale the washing machine, whatever.
If you’re really, really obsessing about the procedure, then think very hard about whether this is actually the right time or the right procedure for you for now. In the prep phase, it’s usual to feel some excitement/enthusiasm and likely some minor trepidation.
If instead, you find that you have thoughts whirling around in your head of: “Am I doing the right thing?” “I’m not sure I’ve picked the right practitioner,” “Can I really afford this?” “I’m probably going to hate it, no matter what,” “Is it gonna change my life and give me everything that I crave?”, “Fuck, I think this was a mistake,” it might be that you need to take a step back and have a chat with your friends - and perhaps some mental health professionals - about whether this really is the right time and choice for you.
Caveat: I acknowledge yet again that you are a grown-up, but I want to keep you safe.
OK, that’s it. You’re ready to go! You’re going to be GREAT and I’ll see you on the other side!
If it’s a ‘yes’ to everything else on the list, but a ‘no’ to this one, go back to the research phase and kiss some more frogs
If someone you’ve told doesn’t have the same attitude to cosmetic work as you (and this can mean that they’re either more gung-ho about it OR that they disapprove of it), then take their opinion with a pinch of salt. Focus instead on the opinions of the people close to you who have conservative, but not negative, views on cosmetic work. Share The Rules with them, if helpful.
I am in the category of people for whom second-guessing themselves is the foundation of their existence, so I understand this may be easier said than done, but do what you can
Obviously, my validation is meaningless and the only important thing here is your opinion of yourself, but I am still fucking proud of you.
There will be a separate post next month about how people you love can unexpectedly turn into arseholes when you tell them about your cosmetic work
It was the fucking pandemic, we all had other shit to worry about
The companion post to this article will cover the methods I employed to maintain the subterfuge
I actually can’t think of any, but there’s always someone on the internet just ACHING to say “well, ackshually”, so this is to cover myself 😊
Which, as we all know, is a cow’s opinion